The Death of the #MeToo Movement
By Diya Chaudhary
Published December 2023
The #MeToo Movement
“Boys will be boys.” “She was asking for it; I mean, look at what she was wearing.” “She drank too much, so she let it happen.” “You can’t just believe the woman.” Just these four statements, along with many others, have constituted the typical stereotype the world has given to sexual assault allegations. Sexual assault will continue to be one of the biggest problems our society has, and my goal was to bring awareness to a movement that died: The #MeToo Movement. It was first spoken about in 2006 and gained widespread attention in 2017. In the entirety of 2017, it was one of the most talked about things. Now, in our present day, it is one of the least talked about things. This difference worried me. It scared me. It frightened me that women all over the world were suffering, and they had no idea how to deal with their trauma. I asked myself, “Why did we stop talking about this?” repeatedly. It confused me that such a dire topic requiring action to be taken simply fizzled out due to less interest in the Hollywood scene. I understood that the #MeToo movement was discussed effectively when celebrities and influencers brought awareness. Still, I didn’t understand that when it was presumably deemed “solved,” it was not being discussed. From my perspective, it was unacceptable that the world wouldn’t bring up the issue of sexual assault. I wanted to give back the voices of women who have gone through the horrible experiences of being sexually assaulted to solve a problem that should have never started in the first place.
I want to start by giving a basic understanding of what sexual assault is. By definition, sexual assault means “any nonconsensual sexual act proscribed by Federal, tribal, or State law, including when the victim lacks capacity to consent.”1 Another definition says that it is “an act of physical, psychological, and emotional violation in the form of a sexual act inflicted on someone without their consent.”2 To break this apart, it is saying that any action that might be physical, mental, or emotional and one that someone considers a violation is because they did not give consent to any physical, mental, or emotional doing. Sexual assault can happen through kissing, attempted rape, touching someone’s breast or genitals (including through clothing), touching any other part of the body for sexual pleasure or in a sexual manner – for example, stroking someone’s thighs or rubbing their back, or pressuring, manipulating or scaring someone into performing a sexual act on the perpetrator.3 One of the most common misconceptions about what sexual assault truly is is that it only consists of rape. Sexual assault is a heinous act that can include a variety of things, some that often go unnoticed.
Interview with Moira Donegan
I had the opportunity to interview and converse with Moira Donegan, a writer-in-residence at The Clayman Institute at Stanford University. Her essays and commentary, which cover gender and politics, have been featured in the New York Times, the New Yorker, the New York Review of Books, the London Review of Books, and Bookforum. Currently, she writes a column on gender in America for The Guardian. She also wrote a book called Gone Too Far: MeToo, Backlash, and the Future of Feminist Politics.4 My conversation with her regarded The #MeToo Movement and the issue of women’s rights, and I gained valuable insight into her work as a writer and how she sees the future of the #MeToo Movement.
Our interview was an extremely helpful and long conversation regarding the #MeToo movement and her involvement. I first asked Moira what motivated her to create the “Shitty Media Men” list, which was a list created in October 2017 that had allegations of sexual misconduct by about 70 men.5 This list was initially anonymous, but about 12 hours after being created, it went live online and caught the media’s attention. Moira was twenty-seven and working at the New Republic, an old literary and politics magazine based out of New York, at the time. She was a very low-level editor with a very entry-level job. She had some experience working in magazines before, but her day-to-day life consisted of meeting people and pitching her writing to them. As she tried to launch her career and obtain her dream job, she knew she had to work hard because she had a low-paid job and was simply editing reviews. She wasn’t ranked high enough to edit for the print magazine yet, but she was still talking to people she was excited about and always looking for new movies and books to write about.
The New Republic had an in-house sexual harassment problem that Moira said was similar to things she had encountered at her previous jobs. A high-level administrative employee in his 70s was best friends with the billionaire who owned The New Republic then. He was responsible for the magazine’s Human Resources operations because there was no dedicated HR professional. Moira told me, “We had this guy. This guy liked to give massages to young women. It was 2017. Everyone was in the office constantly, and people would come up behind you, rubbing your shoulders, and talk absentmindedly to somebody else.” She told me that these women who experienced this were all young women who were directly out of college, about 22 years old. Moira told me she saw this happening everywhere, to others and herself. She would get drinks with the people she worked with, which was quite often a topic of conversation. They felt unable to report a complaint because he was the guy they were supposed to complain to, and he was best friends with the billionaire.
She told me that she knew there were similar or even worse situations at other magazines. For example, there was one journal where, in addition to the sexual harassment and assault violations, the editor-in-chief had multiple rape reports, including ones that had been reported to the police. There were people at that journal who made it a habit of sleeping with interns or making women give them sexual favors contingent on their employment or publication. She told me that the remedial-ness of the problem in workplaces can be shocking because you think if you know the name of sexual assault, it can’t happen to you. Human Resources at The New Republic were almost comically ineffective. According to her statistics, 75% of women who report sexual harassment receive retaliation. Title 9, which is the law that governs sexual harassment at high schools and colleges, has similar numbers, with 40% of women who report sexual violations having to drop out or transfer.
The version of the story she told publicly focused on her concern for other women, and she felt obligated to protect them because they were younger than her. These girls were also advocating for themselves, as one of them logged every time she got assaulted with timestamps in a separate document that she kept off the New Republic servers. Moira was also angry on every girl’s behalf. She was angry that when these horrible things happened, it never affected the man. She was angry that universal acknowledgment that this was happening didn’t translate into a change in the men’s status. She was angry it continued happening and that there were two tiers of reality: the accepted official version of these men’s high status and an unofficial version that is much closer to reality in which they are sexually harassing women. She found that the disparity between official respect and everything else was too large and disrespectful to her dignity as a woman. Ultimately, The Shitty Media Men list was a response to women’s actual options because the majority of people experiencing this don’t report it because they have very good reason to think it will only hurt them and not lead to any justice. She told me that there was a consciousness amongst women she worked with at the time that, if you have a guy doing bad things to you, you need to tell people because the window might close.
We continued to talk about the media and how it had a large impact on the #MeToo movement and women reporting sexual harassment at the time. She told me that if we considered it a “media movement,” it had an amazing drive of traffic for a while about the sex lives of famous people. The media had become an avenue for women to report via public exposure. Although this was helpful for many women at the time, it was not helpful for women who were not celebrities or in the public eye. Many perpetrators are also not in the public eye, so not everyone can access the media as a reporting mechanism. The abuser had to be powerful. Moira also found that many people weren’t listening to testimonies that people were giving about being assaulted. People would say, “Hey, no, that didn’t happen,” “She’s lying,” or “No, that’s not rape.” She felt that most of the claims happening were people saying that sexual assault or rape did not matter. It was often hard to make claims to their bosses to report stories of sexual assault. There were some cases where people had more media access than others. In addition to this, there was the threat of lawsuits.
There are many social hierarchies, all of which factor into power differences between men and women. There’s gender, age, money, professional achievements, and many more. We moved away from discussing the cases of powerful men and into cases of normal people with no social status. Listening is the biggest service you can do to someone who went through this. Another aspect that will dramatically help women is always interjecting when you hear someone saying something derogatory. Always say something. Moira understands that people care about their reputations, but your reputation is always less important than helping someone else. She told me never to underestimate the power of that kind of gesture.
We ended our conversation by discussing the importance of speaking out. Moira talked about how we are all burdened with hyper-fixating on our safety. Sexual assault is never talked about anymore. Misogyny is everywhere, and it is not something you can escape, but you can try to understand it better. You are never going to find a perfect way out of it. This culture is everywhere globally, not just in the United States. She was terrified about how young these girls are when they are assaulted, and the youngest reported one was a 2-week-old baby. These crimes are extremely disturbing, and it is hard knowledge to live with. Many women dim their awareness of this reality, but it is where you accumulate tools and discard vulnerability. Moira notices that men often try to use women’s virtues against them. She told me she has hope for the future through more women speaking out and not following societal norms. Moira hopes that our world will eventually become safe and stable, and the most effective way to achieve this is through speaking up and never being silent.
Generations Through the #MeToo Movement
The #MeToo Movement has evolved through generations of women in and out of America. Although the #MeToo movement barely existed before 2017, all aspects have existed for decades. Sexual assault is not rare. Many different things can account for sexual assault, and one of them is catcalling. As a 7th grader, I walked down the streets in the Mission in San Francisco. I had just gotten boba tea with my friends, and it was a mainly sunny day, so I was wearing shorts and a tank top. Naturally, I thought my outfit was fitting for the 80-degree weather that took over our city, but I never thought other men thought that as well. As a mere 12-year-old, I never thought that wearing shorts and a tank top would be considered “sexual.” As I was walking through the streets, I recall feeling the utmost level of discomfort I had ever experienced before being in 7th grade. I felt the eyes of young and old men across my body as I walked those 5 blocks back to my school. The discomfort increased significantly when one or two of the men screamed, “damn girl, you look good in those shorts.” Along with the discomfort, I didn’t know what those stares and comments meant. I thought that, in some cruel way, it was a compliment. As I continued to walk back to school, I noticed that it wasn’t just me who was being looked at and talked about; it was my 2 other friends. I thought about how they felt, so when I went home, it was the first thing I told my parents. I still remember their reactions; their jaws dropped, and their eyes showed fear. In their mind, this was a moment that their first daughter had experienced that they knew would not be the last. They were right. They calmly explained that those stares and eyes darting all over me were not a compliment but something I had never heard before. Catcalling. Catcalling is a form of harassment. Too many girls in this world experience catcalling before the age of 12. It is a universal experience, even though it shouldn’t be.
Before I was introduced to this term, my life was relatively peaceful, but every time I walked out into the street, I ensured that I was covered up so adequately that I might just get heatstroke. After my first experience of catcalling at 12 years old, I realized that in the 5 years past, there were so many other times and other people who had the same experiences as me. I understood it wasn’t just girls my age but also girls in middle school and adults. I took this to heart because, as a girl who grew up when it was normal for men to treat you differently, I wanted to figure out how prevalent it was and how it could be stopped. When I say “for men to treat you differently,” I am saying that men treat women less than they treat other men. They often view women as objects, something they can conquer.
I talked to many girls who all remained anonymous but kindly shared their stories and thoughts with me. Throughout my conversations with them, I noticed that they all shared the same complex thoughts on not just sexual assault but the discomfort that has come with being a woman. Each of them had a unique story, and their voices had come out in different ways, allowing them to share their side. For anonymity, I will give them false names to respect their privacy. I interviewed 4 people: Emma, Annabelle, Holly, and Clara. All 4 answered the same questions, each giving me a different perspective.
Emma’s Story
At the start of my conversation with “Emma,” I told her she didn’t have to answer all the questions and could add any input she wanted. She fortunately felt comfortable enough to answer all of the questions and did so with comfort and grace.
I asked her to describe a time when she felt uncomfortable or unsafe due to the risk of sexual assault and what the circumstances were. She told me that she had an experience where she angered a guy in her own house, and he pushed her onto the bed and started cursing at her. Emma had no control then and said, “If something was going to happen, it inevitably could because she’s not strong or tall enough.” The emotions running through her mind were fear and the fact that she felt extremely vulnerable. She told me, “This is how my life will be, and I’m never going to be the strongest person because it’s a man’s world.” Emma told me that she feels uncomfortable talking to guys who are bigger and taller than her when she’s alone, and she always thinks twice when talking to any man in any situation when required to be alone with them. Apart from this, she feels fortunate enough to live in a house where her dad and brother are great people and role models, but still, it doesn’t change the fact that she is “vulnerable to the world.” Emma ended her interview by telling me she would like to create the opportunity for men to hear women’s experiences because she thinks it would change their perspectives. They might act differently, especially the men who aren’t predators.
Annabelle’s Story
My following conversation will be with a girl we are choosing to call “Annabelle.” Annabelle was incredibly open and vulnerable when it came to sharing her experiences regarding assault and her experiences in the world. I am adding a content warning of harmful language as well as mentions of drugs and alcohol in this interview.
When Annabelle walks alone at any time of the day, and she’s not wearing conservative clothes, she feels the one main emotion: fear. She feels that if she is showing any cleavage or her legs, she will get perverted stares from men of all ages. When I asked her how she first recognized that she was in a situation where she was vulnerable and at risk, she said that when she has been under the influence, she has noticed quite often that guys start to talk to her more and more, as well as touching her all over her body without any reciprocation. Annabelle has been through countless experiences where she was verbally harassed, but one stood out to her the most. She remembers a guy telling her, “You look like a slut and dress like one too.” She said she heard the phrase, “You’re such a slut,” countless times in her life, especially from guys she didn’t reciprocate feelings for. She felt guilty, even though nothing was her fault. She felt that she had brought it upon herself if she was wearing too little or if she had led people on, and Annabelle thought that she was the problem. In reality, she was falling for the manipulation coming from other men. Annabelle told me that at other times, she felt intense fear when she felt like she was being taken advantage of. With the countless uncomfortable conversations with guys, she felt that by sharing her personal and traumatic experiences, they were trying to take advantage of her by touching her and saying that they would be better than the other guy who hurt her. Annabelle was so deep into the manipulation that she had no idea how to escape it.
I asked Annabelle what steps she has taken to escape the manipulation coming from men. The first thing she does is break contact and block them on social media because when she doesn’t do that, she notices that they will try to ruin her reputation and other aspects for her by twisting the story and saying she messed up. There have been multiple experiences where Annabelle has had to clarify what actually happened. Because of these uncomfortable situations, she has felt more hesitant to befriend guys because she used to be very close to many guys, but consequently, she isn’t and doesn’t trust them. These experiences have made her more self-conscious of her actions and how she presents herself and interacts with people. To counter this feeling, she finds comfort in the fact that when she interacts with some of her close guy friends about her experiences, they support her and honestly believe her, which she values the most because having someone trust, in this day and age, means everything since everyone believes the rumors.
Finally, I asked Annabelle what actions she takes to help counter these feelings of discomfort. She told me that she covers up more in an Uber, on the bus, or at night and always puts on a hoodie because she feels self-conscious of her bodily features. Annabelle also told me that when she is in her sports uniform or walking back from the gym, she always puts on sweatpants because “people catcall you even if you think they are your friends like other people’s parents or your own.” Right now, she thinks there is still a lack of empathy from all men. “I haven’t done anything, though,” is what a lot of men say, and she believes that having empathy and supporting women, as well as advocating against harassment and assault, means the most to her.
Holly’s Story
The next girl I conversed with was named “Holly.” Holly felt comfortable enough to answer all the questions and was open about her experiences with men. I am adding a content warning of drug and alcohol use.
We started by talking about how Holly generally feels around men. She feels that when she is in a group setting or when she has to talk to a guy one-on-one, she can never tell what their intentions are, and just by the way they talk, there’s no way of knowing why they are talking to you, if they are interested in you, or have secret motives. It’s hard because she doesn’t want to feel uncomfortable if they aren’t trying to make you feel uncomfortable, but it’s not something she can help feeling. She told me a story about how one time she was with a guy, and she was under the influence. She knew it wasn’t a good idea to let things escalate, but since she was less sober than him, he was in charge of where it went. Holly felt pressured if she were to be “awkward” and said, “Let’s not,” but she didn’t feel comfortable with or know him well enough. She said it can be a red flag, and you are more discouraged to say anything and prevent a bigger issue from happening. She told me about another time when the red flag was that the guy wasn’t smart, and she didn’t trust him enough to respect boundaries.
Another problem was that she knew his intentions since he had tried to hook up with her before, but she felt naive about how far he would take it. When she said “no” the first time, it didn’t work. Holly felt that she didn’t dare to get up and leave. Holly felt like she wanted him to like her, and she didn’t want to cause any problems or do anything unexpected, so she did whatever he wanted. Initially, she wanted to ensure he didn’t see any issues with her and would want to be with her again. With the other guy, there were no emotions; it was non-existent. She felt that since people were around her, she could get help, and if it went further than she wanted, she could’ve called out for someone. Holly was angry and annoyed that it was the way he was acting, and she blocked him on social media because he surprised her badly.
These interactions have impacted Holly’s daily life because one guy taught her that she would rather know someone a little better before she likes them, and she felt stupid that she wanted him to like her because he genuinely wasn’t that special. With the other guy, she has learned to approach it differently because when she’s out, she
tries to spend less time with a guy one-on-one. One strategy she uses when she feels unsafe is to look for someone that she knows better because it’s usually the guys you don’t know that well that try to harm you. A coping mechanism that Holly uses is to realize that it’s not a bad thing to get to know people more before you get involved with them to protect yourself from being harmed.
Recently, if anyone approaches her when she’s under the influence when she’s out or if the guy is also under the influence, she tries not to get in a situation where she is one-on-one with him. Holly tries to involve other people and says it feels much better when she does. “There is no shame in saying no to people,” she told me. She told me about an experience with a guy where she felt empowered because she “abandoned the ship” and knew it would go down a bad street if she let it happen, and he didn’t know that. She said she tried to be respectful to him and still said no.
Regarding school culture, she feels it is alright, but in our city, the hookup culture is over the top, and she says, “It would be nice to see it calm down a little.” Holly mentioned that everyone focuses on hooking up, and no one believes the girl when something goes wrong. She shared an experience where she was going on a run and wearing shorter shorts and a tank top because it was sunny, and she said in the 1st mile, she got catcalled 3 separate times. Holly went home after that because she was perplexed about what was different than when she usually went on runs. I asked her how she felt on the bus, and she told me that since there were many strangers, they didn’t care if they made you uncomfortable. “I always feel awkward, and I don’t want to be sexualized standing there trying to go home on the bus. I am just trying to do normal stuff, and I don’t want guys to be thinking about weird things.” She ended the conversation by telling me that she was stunned when an Uber driver didn’t take advantage of her when she passed out in the car. Holly told me she didn’t know if she could trust that, let alone any guy, every time.
Clara’s Story
My conversations have been valuable, including mine with “Clara.” Clara is a domestic assault survivor, and she is one of the strongest girls I know. She was very open and comfortable with the interview as well. I am adding a content warning for violence.
Clara was in a relationship where she dealt with experiences that were unforgivable and something that nobody should ever go through. During my interview with her, I learned a lot about how she processed what she went through and how she sees the future of the #MeToo movement. Clara experienced many acts of violence. She was hit and choked. She was shoved into dressers and held down on the floor, where she couldn’t get up and couldn’t breathe. Clara knew she was vulnerable or at risk when she felt it at different levels. Knowing that someone was older and had more power meant knowing she wouldn’t have any power in the relationship. The second part was knowing she couldn’t say something too rude because that would trigger violent reactions. That is a challenging situation to deal with because you are both physically and mentally trapped. Clara often felt blank emotions. She said, “I knew I was sad, and I had this, and I know other people don’t have this, but I wasn’t going to leave, and nothing’s going to change.” She felt less scared and more disappointed that this was the relationship that she had and thought that this was her relationship and this is how it will be forever. She was upset with herself for being there and still wanted to stay despite everything.
Clara wanted to take action to protect herself but found it difficult to do so because after they broke up a few times, she thought that responding with anger would help, but it didn’t. She tried to seek help from her friends, but she felt that everyone was at a different place in their lives and nobody knew everything about the situation until the end, so it felt more like “halfway support.” An experience like this can truly impact a woman’s life, impacting Clara’s in many ways. She stopped being friends with a lot of guys because of their behavior or because of their moral beliefs. Clara didn’t trust many people and was much more aware of who she was surrounding herself with because she realized that not everyone had the best intentions. Relationship-wise, she naturally only wanted to surround herself with super nice people who never said anything rude. She expected them to be that way. When she started to see guys again, she remembers doing everything she thought he wanted, even though he was asking her why she was doing that for him, but that is how she thought it was supposed to be. Clara didn’t want to be in a relationship after what happened, and she understandably still doesn’t.
Clara has grown more open to talking to people about her feelings, such as her therapist, family, and friends. She told me that only girls know because there is just “something about men,” which I think says a lot about our society today. She encountered multiple problems because many people knew and were spreading it, calling her “a liar” and saying that “the whole situation never happened.” She recalls that many people reached out but had no intention of helping and said, “That’s too bad.” Clara experienced a lot of backlash for something traumatic and painful that happened to her, which she should have never received in the first place. People were inconsiderate and treated her situation as if it were non-existent.
Clara wants to see a lot of change in our society, and I do, too. She believes that having more sexual assault groups and more extensive meetings to act out scenes and doing more panels would help people understand the prevalence of sexual assault and raise more awareness about it. Clara said to me, “I wish people would just be normal. I wish for more awareness and speaking about how to speak about something that’s happened.” That is one of the most influential and vital conversations anyone can have because people frequently don’t know or don’t want to learn how to speak about important issues. She told me that you can’t just go about these situations casually. You have to know how to go about yourself when you know something, such as keeping it to yourself and knowing how to support the other person. She ended our conversation by saying, “I want more realistic stuff to happen in this world.”
The Future
Change in the future could be 10 minutes or 10 years from now. I am hoping it is the first. Sexual assault is one of the biggest issues women face today, and we have the power to change that by using our voices and speaking out against it. I hope that in the end, people will realize that it is a very prevalent topic and that we can solve it each day by interjecting when we notice something wrong or even supporting people who have experienced it. The purpose of this article is not just to bring awareness to it, but for people to take action and change it. I hope that in our world, we will not stand by heinous acts such as sexual assault but rather stand up against it to make sure it never happens again.